i just google imaged poop.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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