and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Can I color on your dick again?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
