he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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