So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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