that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
