I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
