dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
