she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
