Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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