yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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