So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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