11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
