I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
