That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
