SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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