my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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