She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
