She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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