Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
