OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
