its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
