i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
