I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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