I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
