can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They have beer where we have blood.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
