Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
