I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
