I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
