He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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