I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
