i permit you to call me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
