ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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