No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
