i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
