A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
