I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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