fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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