This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
