so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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