I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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