There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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