Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
