So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
