Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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