My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
