Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
