Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
