he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
