he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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