If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
