watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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