I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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