I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
