READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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