Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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