Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
