Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
